I was thinking a lot about that do I can write it down, what is happening right now. My name is here and many who are reading my blog are knowing me personally and humans are – no matter how open persons we are – sometimes chaste. Oh, come on! This blog is made for –with amazingly huge success – to help others. So I will write it down. Who knows me also knows that my freedom becomes true for me when I don’t have secrets, I’m honest.
Only sex and nothing else.
As it is usually this begins after a love disappointment… Although if I think better, it started earlier. With the bugaboo of my childhood, who and the „approach” of pedophile member in my big family where sealing my attitude. Since then my breast are insensitive, kisses have no value and only a few times I give some bigger focus to the tool of my lovers. After the mentioned love disappointment I don’t spent focus on myself. I was knowing orgasm from the news only. The solution in bed that I will help on myself was working but after the big „love” it was not working anymore. My past two-three years was about to engage myself. To make my blocks resolve and so make my soul free, so I can evolve in spiritual way. It succeeded. But because of that and the things in my past I did not had time and will for love, so it will not drag my attention away from myself. So only sex was left. Ad hoc, on night lovers I had. Needless to say while everything gets better and better in my life until this topic I used only as a weapon in the fight against the nun life.
It was not good. I did not wanted it. I did not felt the need of sex, because what is not good has no place in my life. It was not bad because of others, it felt wrong because of me. I was trough of many blames, self-accusations, cries and despair. I didn’t know what to do. I reached the point that right before the orgasm I blocked. Almost, almost, and then cut and the movie begins from the very beginning… Again and again. I had nothing what could bring me to the top.
This was the ground. Two-three month pause, without man and sex I had, so I could work with this problem also.
Ask for it and you will get..
What a women can know about a man I know already. I can say it after so many „relationship”. I know what wild sex is, when a men is lying, when they say the truth in order to catch the prey. I was controlling. I was not a challenge for me. I was stronger and smarter than any of them. But I had something I missed…
When I was dealing with myself in the point of view of sex, then I realized everything. I was searching in my past and I was remembering when the SOUL of two human was making love. This is what I needed. I asked this. I get it. I get it in through a relationship which was in a situation I never was before. I get two birds with one stone. I got a new experience and a solution for my problem.
As I mentioned my past few years was about sex. Health sex to be accurate. I get used to it so much (which made my situation worse) that now when I was fallen in love, I produced sex. I made my best form. He did not wanted it! Who heard about that a man is rejecting the wild, dirty sex?! I will tell you: the man who is in love. We made love that night. It was the true LOVE-Making. „Slow down! Calm down! Nice and slow!” How many times I heard in the past few hours. 😀
Of course I was in panic. I will not work, I told to myself. We made some breaks between the attempts where I told the story of my last few years. The change from emotionless sex to making-love between two souls is very difficult after so much time. But it worked. I was not believing in it, but I made it. I found a partner for that who was loving me more than anyone so far. He was patient and understanding. And the result?
Instead of usual orgasm it was the „explode” feeling in my lap. I don’t know any better word for that. Like the chains which are holding and strangling my femininity so far are broken in the most beautiful way.
I released everything because I met a man whose soul was making love with my soul. With calm, devotion and attention he was healing my past, present and future.
He was stronger than me.
I was searching for this.