I decided for a big step. I seriously thought trough why I have so many negative things in my head no matter how much I did to make myself see the world more beautiful. There is nothing wrong with this, my present is very good but may past is still chasing me, don’t let me in peace.
I reached the point of not just closing my past, because I think this is not a solution by itself, but I will analyze it deeply and so maybe this will bring me closer to my goal. Okay this sounds scary, to tear the wounds, but sometimes this is necessary.
I rethought my relationships. Started with my Dad trough the ex-boyfriends with the current friends and ended with family members. I found many spikes in myself, which I can’t let to stay, I had to look for a solution. It is easier with todays, experienced head. 🙂 My first thought was when I had a journey back to my previous life where my guide asked me if I faced with problems, harms to forgive to them… or for myself. This was the hardest. I can’t even tell after how many tries I could forgive to myself truly… So based on this I started to explore the shadows of the past and if someone harmed me with something I forgave to him from heart. If I caused pain for somebody than I admitted it to myself, I tried to see the problems in me, and I forgave to myself by heart. It was really hard. I had collected many bad experiences during my life. Pains which I get or I caused. I could not work with all of them with one breath, so this process is still going, but at least I’m on a good way.
I wrote many letters, in order to confirm the forgiveness in my brain. I wrote to my dad, some of my ex’s, old friends, etc. – Some letters I sent for them with post. Those who made a big effect on me I thought they deserve to know it and what I did I regret it and I forgive. I don’t wait for answer, I just wanted them to know this, I also wrote in the letter. This helped me a lot and I hope it will help for them. I don’t want to stay in their mind like a bad memories, this is not good for them also. I made a few steps for this. The decision which will be made by them, to forgive to me or not, is not so important, and not really my business. But to forgive is a very liberating feeling.
So many weight I lost from my heart which I carried so far and so to make the next step is much easier. 🙂