Today I was complaining to my second mother (I do not usually do that, but this time I had to speak about that) about money.
I’m listening my colleagues how they are planning their vacation or buying a new car, house and I’m with here with so little money I can’t even buy breakfast. I see bleak, perfunctory or even invertebrate persons living in wealth, rich life which –in my opinion- don’t deserve the calmness, comfort what money can give. Maybe many of you think about politician! 😀
The point is that I go used to get it that I don’t have money, that sometimes dinner is luxury, I can’t go for vacation, etc. Let’s say that I’ve learned to live this life and to look for other values. Other kind of riches. I lived my childhood that my little brother got everything even what he did not asked and as for me I got 1 Forint with sarcastic comments for the costs from my dad of my dorm which had the cost of 5000 Forint. (My brother, speaking for him, was never asking anything, and if he got something he was ashamed because he got alone, he was not a daddy’s little spoiled son.)
I lived 30 years in the world where I could see money, but I could not reach it. This is like someone is showing ice cream, roast for a starving person. Or they are eating in front of this men and he could get only the crumb from the floor. What I achieved so far, I did alone. This is a heavy, huge weight on my shoulders. I started to accept that this is what I deserve in my life. This is one of my trials. I deserve this. Besides that I’m happy for others vacations, new house, etc. deep inside I got a sab, anxiety question: Why I don’t deserve it? Not for myself, but for helping on others. I still don’t get it… The secret, The magic and all the books, teaching begins with the wish for money comings from heart to the universe. No matter how hard I tried, I believed, not even a penny was fall into my lap.
Than the conversation with my second mother was opening my eye. First I understand that I approach the problem from wrong side. Then I understand that money has its price. I looked over the life of those I know and my life also. My mother was left my alcoholic, sadist dad and from this two times she went back. Why? A mother alone with two child… familiar story? How many are in this world suffering, they will hold on just for make the child not miss anything. This not belongs here, but this is a message for them all, who thinks the same, sooner or later the bottle will be full and by then all the members in family will be broken. Ask yourself: Worth it?
And there is the case of my 2nd mother: She has to live with someone who is a soul terrorist, pedantic, neurotic in order not to starve in their home. Because at these prices, earnings it can be done very easily, I think everyone knows this. Life has its price, and this cost fits for it. I could list up countless story. Even the billionaire pays with free time, nervous system, lot of work, danger, family, etc… money has many kind of currency.
As for me, I hate money. Everywhere I look, money cause materiality, superficiality, ascendancy. Disgusting. BUT! We have to accept…. In order to earn it, to get the comfort, we have to love money.
The first step is to believe: we deserve money, even with winning the lottery.
The second is to decide what we will make with the money. Helping others? Spend it wisely? Do we let ourselves addict from it? Do we will use others and the system? Countless questions and answers… I’m sure that if someone like me, was born under a lucky star, got a reason and on other hand this is a trial to ask, love from hearth and soul the things for what money is only a tool. Maybe this is the good way: Money is not a goal just a tool in order to show our selfless love to the world, and we can grant the way of helping, what we give. If I look on money like this, than this is not a bad thing. Maybe on global level the wish for money is blameworthy, but if someone uses for good than he can achieve calmness earlier, then those who are born into a rich family, or earn the money with force.
We should keep in mind what we can do for others with money. Even to buy in a small family shop instead of a supermarket counts. Or to buy a flower from the neighbor aunt, because she is completing her pension. Or even that counts that I love to travel and I want to learn, develop about cultures, religions at their place what later I can share. This will be the price of money: the love. This always exists, never runs out and I share it happily.
And one more thing… never forget: Everything can happen! 😉