As a 30 years old women I can see that we are forgetting who we are. I’m not speaking about that what kind of souls we are, let us stay here on earth for a little bit. If we look around here is enough to scare from our self. Who knows, can accept, can undertakes herself in every situation? Who is who can make these now days? I’m afraid, not many… (Not even me, not completely…)
I think, if we are looking us as a stranger, we will see that in many situations we are not making what we wanted. It has one reason: The fear. I can stop to emphasize that how afraid we are. We afraid of losing job, losing boy/girlfriend, divorce, quarrel with parents etc. When and how it became so important that what the other person want, likes. Where our own will was disappeared? Lie always catches up… Always close one door. If not now, than later it does. It takes away, everything has its price. Even lie has. When we don’t say what we think, don’t show who we are in one-one moments because of fear, than we are lying. No… Not to others. For our self! Well if I think about it… If someone know us and moreover he loves us than he will recognize it in no time if we make this with him. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, how the lying is connected to this than remember when our partner asked us „don’t lie to me” or „be honest”! We often underestimate the other person. They see us better sometimes then we see our self. Eye of an outsider… Admit it, often we say what the partner want to hear. Because it is easier, we are sooner free, good for everybody, etc… And maybe this is the point! Yes, at that moment it is better! But this is what I call wound patches for a men sliced in to two. A calming act which holds for a moment. Indeed! It’s rather sending away the problems temporary. And when our mate is calm down, because he hear what he wanted, we are going towards. Until till we face this problem again. And again. Until we are not go to each other nerves and at the end we will speak beside each other and we will not remind even the origin of the problem. This is it with every relationship. With your boss, colleagues on your workplace, with the parents, friends and with the children also.
My Grandmother asked me, after a long period spent in a bed at home for the elderly, that she will die? Her eyes showed childish naivety and honest curiosity. My aunt was about to tell „Oh mama, don’t speak such a folly thing, you will live for a long time!”, but I sad „Yes. As we all do once.” She relaxed. She got a honest answer for her question. My aunt sad that she was spoken folly things all the day, but in that moment she got opened. Her eye become wide open and she began to talk that she see her mother in her dreams, her father is waiting for her. Like she did not understood what happened with her so far. But now she understand. The comfort words from my aunt where only consoling only us, and not her. My aunt would be not sincere in this time also. But for what would be this good?
There is another example: My ex-boyfriend. I loved him. But I know, felt, saw, that he is not in love. For a million time I asked in myself quietly or loudly from him confirm this. To make us both free even if it hurts for the first time. But he did not sad. He thought that as time goes by the pain will be bigger. He had right, but what caused the pain was not that he not loved me but the fact that he can’t confirm this. Finally he was told. It was a peaceful speak. He got open. It took a long time, but finally he made it. We are friends since then.
To be honest can be a hard thing sometimes. It is harder to say what we think instead of what the other person want to hear. But this is the only solution. And later it is much more worth it as we think! On one hand: We got to know ourselves better trough honest. On other hand: Others also got to know us better. So it is easier for us both. Problems, which are waiting for solutions if we are lucky than instead of retaliate, will be noticed earlier. Feelings comes out earlier which in one-one situations (if we are not afraid from rejections) could be more fortunate and if not than it could be instructive as well!
No… this is not the easier way, but the better way. Cleaner, more beautiful, more peaceful and as man walking on it so he becomes happier! 🙂 Taking responsibility for our self can be the feeling of ridiculously liberating! There is no need to be strategic, play, lie. We can get free from these weights if we undertakes our self. We can be free… This is why we should say what we think. This is why should be not afraid. From fear lies comes. And this two is nothing else than a prison for our self!
One more thing. When I ask someone to be honest thank I’m not thinking about only to tell the truth. To get open minded is also important. Tell sincerely his opinion, what he thinks about the topic, what he feel. Communication, honest communication is the best base for building relationships.