Letter to the past

Dear Past!

I thought for a long time that you where horrible. I did not understand why I get those slaps from you and your friend fate. Why I was suffering so long from my father’s physical and spiritual terror, and why I did not found my partner. It is not clear why you have taken everything from me so many times: money, friends, family and love. I was lamented so many because of you! I was cried all night long because I was going to sleep in hungry, lonely and in cold. I was alone so many time. Much more I was disappointed in others. I thought you did not give anything for me, moreover! You took my pride, strength, respect, friendship and self-esteem. And what do you left for me? Thousands of spikes, failures, walls which I was built around myself to keep you outside. You and your friends: The fate, the present, the future, everything and everybody. I was closing myself from world, because of you!

But now… Now I want to thank all of these. The first slap, the hungry, the pain, the shortage, the loss, everything what I thought is bad at the beginning. Thank you because if they does not happen to me than I could be the one person, who is rich and superficial or flawless and spoiled or they had comfortable lifetime and they do not had to fight for anything and because of that people are look at them regretfully. Exceptions are honorable of course! But I know something what they don’t:

I know the depth of the well and how to climb out from there on my own. I know the pain which is biting the skin and the hearth. I know what the loss is however I do not have millions in the bank and still I know that I have everything! I have true friends, loving mother, helping brother, nice colleagues, good work and roof above my head. Because I know what is and what it means to be true, loving, helping and nice. I have strength and self-esteem! I know what is to be a Human. To Love and to be loved. I know what the values are and I respect the goodness!

So dear Past I thank you to teach me all of these, even if they were not the finest methods. Because of you I got on a lowering place where only I got the chance. Nobody could decide above my head. And I decided that I want to live! Live and love. Helping and not humiliate. Accept and not to fight. Fixing the problems and not harming anymore with my spikes. Forgiving and not to be mad. Opening my heart and not closing it, because it is easier. This is the easier way! I survived hell and so anything can come: the bad and the good also! Especially good… 😀

P.S.: If I can start it again than I would like to get everything again. Thank for you I’m now who I love to be!

Best regards: Your little pupil.

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