Fight of man and soul

Lately I’m in continuously fight with myself. More and more I understand the meanings, mystery of ghost, soul and this confuses me more and more.

Let’s take human first, the normal man on Earth. I was born. Raised, played a lot in my childhood, going to school, have a brother and parents. My mother was angel my dad was the devil so I got good and bad also like many of my fellow sufferer. I was in hard crisis emotionally, lived my teen age, I had different periods from rocker to disco through classical music, I went to high school and then I started my big life. Meanwhile friends where coming and left, leaving pain and big space after them self. I got surprises and frustrations. Later I started to philosophize about life but mainly I was working like an idiot to earn money. Of course I did not move so much ahead, I’m still working like an idiot, maybe once I’ll win the lotto until that time I console myself with „Once it will be better”. I’ll have a love, family to whom I’ll try to grant a better and more beautiful life than ever. Until then I’ll go down to the nearest shop every day, I buy clothes, I’m going to postal, having party with my friends and I have a hobby’s. Then I’ll get old and I’ll die. If I’m lucky then I collected enough money to make the life easier for my children. For me it will be useless when I die. And that’s all. This isn’t sounds bad or empty if I don’t know that there are more in this… There is the soul.

We all have this small feeling which sometimes shows up and whisper in our ear: „Hey! You are not a slave. You don’t have to do this! Don’t do THIS!” And who is like me, will start searching. She wants to understand what this feeling is. And when she found something then she try to understand this. She would like to know it. After that she recognizes that she already knows this. She does not know where but the many things are familiar to what she read, heard about the thing called Soul. Then she lifted up her head: Ahhh! The picture starts to become clear. Many things become understandable because everything is related to everything. Interesting… I started to use my mind and soul. And because of this I become happy, free, strong, calm and more curious!

And then when I go to sleep happily, I notice that I have dreams. They are like never before. Then I woke up next morning, and I think about the meaning of the dream, what it want to say. I understood that there are ability’s what we all had once. I start to search. I found healing, without medicine of course. I started learning, learning again. This is also familiar from somewhere. One picture is complete again, I’m glad!

The knowledge, training of my brain and my curiosity are pushing me to do more and more. Working on Facebook page, cooperation, blog, awaking, book writing, read. Hey people! We got here everything! My life is running and now finally the real life! If feel that I’m alive and that I did something!

Then it becomes more and more and they are growing over me because I have to go to work, pay the bills, and do things. And there you are falling back to the gray every day. You will see all the obscenity what our human beings can do. I have nausea from this. And there is the other side. The peacefully family’s, changing work to a better one, daily routines what you can see on the faces of others, but this is not like a load but a „normal” calm. Than you start to think, maybe it could be better to be „normal” again. Just living peacefully and don’t know about everything what is behind this. Because you understand that this load is sometimes so heavy that you feel you can’t hold it. I want to hide from world! –Was yelled from the inside of me but I can’t do this. You want to lose your job? How you will buy anything? Damned material world! But where is than the freedom of soul? One swallow can’t make a summer. But does not have to because we are many who know what to do, but where they are? Why they do not do anything, because they can’t? Are they prevented? Are they trying? Millions and millions of questions, despair. This is the result if we want to unite these two worlds? No. I think that time has not arrived yet. Than why is this pushing what I feel? I have to do something…

So I tried to summarize in this small post what is in the world today. Our human being has a small fight with our spirit. Or this is not so small? Too early to exteriorize it out of the world but maybe many of you have the same feeling. I cannot give solution by now but I can give sedation with one word: Patience.

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